Finding out that you’re pregnant is emotional – the feelings can be mixed that’s for sure! I myself can say that I’m proud of some of those feelings, and some not so much. Our journey to becoming pregnant wasn’t a very difficult one, and my husband and I feel very blessed that we were able to conceive because I know there are a lot of couples out there that are struggling with their own journey but that’s sort of what makes it so unique and beautiful.
We found out when I was about 7 weeks, and my initial reaction to a positive pregnancy test was utter shock and fear. It also didn’t help that I was by myself. I can’t say that the feeling wasn’t sadness or happiness, it was mere “wtf have we done?!” Don’t get me wrong, we were open to conceiving but when it actually happened, the moment was surreal. I knew our lives were about to change forever, but mine changed the moment I saw that positive pregnancy test. It felt as if no one else’s life around me started to change except my own.
Fortunately, my first trimester was pretty easy, with no morning sickness or major changes. It was an exciting time, keeping it to ourselves and only sharing the news with our immediate family and close friends. However, in my second trimester, I started seeing and feeling all the changes going on with myself both physically and emotionally. I surely can’t be the only one feeling this way, but I thought I’d share my feelings because it’s something I have been struggling with during my own pregnancy.
The biggest emotion I go through is being scared and worried as hell! I mean how am I going to take care of a baby when I struggle to do things for myself, and my husband at times. I feel anxious and ill-prepared. I’m the type of person who feels in control of a lot of things in life and the thought of losing that control is something that I’m not ready for.
Seeing my body change was a big shock as well. Not being able to fit into those jeans, a dress that fit me two weeks ago no longer fits, and that feeling of your body sweating in all its crevices in the summer is something that is just plain uncomfortable. Of course, seeing your husband the same old physical self while you’re the only one gaining all the weight doesn’t help either! Sleep can become difficult, and even mundane chores require rest.
Don’t get me wrong, for the most part I’m excited that I have a little baby kicking around in my belly and depending on me to feed and help him develop for the next few months. I can’t wait to meet him and see who he resembles more. The baby bump really is beautiful and seeing it grow every week feels so unreal. I love that people rub my belly and ask me how I’m doing 50 times a day. I love that our child will call my husband, daddy, and that he’ll be able to take him to all sorts of sports practices. I love that we have made a human to come into this world and help us become more selfless.
I wanted to share my feelings about my own pregnancy because I was confused about my mixed emotions. I feel super guilty for feeling these things but I know that these feelings are totally normal, that they’re part of processing the huge change that’s happening and to come. So, to all the future mamas-to-be, it’s totally okay to feel whatever the hell you’re feeling about your own pregnancy because we all know that under any of those feelings are genuine feelings of happiness and excitement.